Lunch Break Musings #1

Nothing serious this time around. Just talking about a few things :)

At long last, my website is nearing completion; which means that all of my blogs, videos, and other creative...creations will be available in one place. Though I technically have a website already, I was very disappointed with the outcome in various aspects (color, layout, interface). This time around I am using the [sometimes annoyingly] popular WordPress design, with a template from Elegant Themes.

Given the relative simplicity of using WordPress, my website should have been ready long ago. I mean hell, with the templates 90% of the design work is done for me! However with a combination of inexperience, a slight deficiency in attention, frustration, and thinking-too-much/overcomplicating-things, the process all but screeched to a hault for far too long.

I keep saying that I need to write more, and this is true. I honestly feel that writing (in addition to making videos) is both cathartic and therapeutic for me, even when I write about food & restaurants like in my other blog. Once the website completion is out of the way, that will be one less "obstacle" (so to speak) to take up my time from writing. You know, besides my general lack of attention and having to work. ...and video games

When all is said and done, I will post links pretty much everywhere I can think of: on here, my Twitter account, YouTube, Facebook, Google+, and Times Square (if it's affordable).

Random note on the topic of Twitter: I'll be creating an account for my dog Charlie. I know this sounds dumb to some people, but there seems to be a lot of "pet" accounts, and I think it will be interesting to see how many "Tweeps" he can meet on there. Or perhaps I'll create one account that all 3 of our pets will "use". Hmm...

...SQUIRREL! *runs off*

This was quite possibly the most nonsensical thing I've written since the emo songs/poems in high school.

Where Does My Mind Lay?

Lately I've been dedicating the vast majority of my creative attention to doing vlogs on YouTube. As a result, I have neglected my blogs and even my stories that I am a long way off from finishing.

My plans are to start doing more than just vlogs and move on to creating funny skits, how-to videos for cooking gluten & dairy free treats, and much more. There is so much I want to do, but I often lack a vital ingredient to accomplishing these things:

Focus.

At work, I find myself daydreaming of the creative things I'd love to work on. At home, when I think about working on writing or recording something, I find myself goofing off or getting stuck in front of the television. When I feel like working out, I'm conflicted because it's also time I could spend doing something with Jill, or writing, or playing with Charlie, or even playing a video game like I've done rarely these days.

I wish for more time to do things, but the reality of the situation is that if I were able to focus, I wouldn't need more time. For instance, I'm writing this at 1:15 CST when the idea popped in my head in between movies with Jill, Corrie, and Aaron.

This post originally started out as somewhat of a complaint about my lack of focus, but really it's more of a revelation for me. I'm not complaining, I'm just putting it out there. If I want to get things accomplished, I have to do them and not make excuses.

I want to write because I have stories to share.

I want to make vlogs because it gives me a chance to share my weirdness with the world.

I want to make videos because I want to take my ideas to another level.

I want to have a job someday that doesn't have me sitting on my butt all day staring at a computer screen. I do enough of that in my spare time.

I want to re-learn guitar because it's fun, and I don't care about being "good" at it.

I want to be quick and direct like my wife, because she's one of the strongest people I know.

I want to show myself that time is what I make of it.

And so much more.

How I Saved The World (Talking To God)

DISCLAIMER: If you're going to read this, you better have a sense of humor. Especially if you're of the Christian faith, because without a sense of humor this will probably just make you mad. Not that I care whether you get mad or not, I just don't want to hear anyone bitching about it. Oh, and for the younger audience, there's at least 1 "naughty word" below. I promise you won't have a moral epileptic seizure.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 21, 2011. The day that was to be the end of the world (according to Harold Camping). The end of days. The Rapture. But the world didn't end, did it? The vast majority of us are still here, and old Harold said that he was wrong.

But was he really wrong? So many of us laughed and joked about it, even going so far as to boast our preparedness for the Zombie Apocalypse (to which I say "BRING IT ON").

On Wednesday, the 18th, I noticed that God tweeted about how he accidentally scheduled the Rapture on his day of rest (that's right, He has a Twitter account). That's when it dawned on me: Jill's graduation was on the 21st. After all the work she put into completing her Masters program, I knew I had to try something!

Having seen the movie Bruce Almighty, I knew that He had a huge backlog of prayers, so I went the direct route and replied to His Twitter post.

Thus, the epic battle of "140 Characters or Less" did ensue to decide the fate of the world as we know it!

Crisis averted, Rapture rescheduled, and my wife got to walk the line at her graduation.

You're welcome.

I'll Get Better

One of the greatest challenges I’ve had to face in my life is a common issue with many people: low self-esteem. For years it was an inner turmoil that often exposed itself as nervousness and self-loathing, both mentally and externally. But to quote John Cleese, “I got better.” 

Well, for the most part anyway.

Today, though my self-esteem is much higher than it once was, there are aspects of the past that continue to plague me. Certain aspects of my past refuse to be forgotten, constantly finding ways to grab hold of a gap in my inner defenses whenever possible. The most annoying of these break through during simple interactions that many people wouldn’t think twice about. Despite having moved beyond the most debilitating of my inner demons, I so often have a grave feeling of being judged.

Judged by whom? It depends on the situation. If I’m at a wedding reception or club with my wife where people are dancing, I often can’t bring myself to dance. Before I even approach the floor I imagine everyone’s eyes suddenly fixated on me, dancing awkwardly and “looking stupid”. Outside of a crowd, I fear negative judgment from new friends and colleagues, that they won’t like me or enjoy my presence. Even when absolutely nothing negative occurs while together, I get a feeling that the others are simply “tolerating” me.

Why, as a 26-year-old adult, do I let these things bother me so much? For that matter, why do I even let such thoughts enter my mind? A large mixture of events and conversations, each pretty insignificant by itself, piled into a giant heap of insecurity and disgust that just won’t go away completely. Like December snow in Minnesota, it just keeps piling up and never seems to go away.

Silly, insignificant events…

At a high school football game, I had coins thrown at me as I walked by the opposing team’s bleachers. I restrained my fury and simply flipped off the section of people that had thrown the coins. A few days later, as I walked up to church, I was stopped by someone I considered a friend at that time.

“Why did you raise your middle finger at people at the game?”

“They were throwing stuff at me.”

“That’s no excuse. What kind of Christian are you?”

Judged. Put down for showing the slightest act of defiance to protect my pride. I’m human and humans make mistakes. Humans also get angry when other humans hurt them. Am I not allowed the right to be angry? No. Every time I step out of bounds I’m judged and I forsake who I am. Or I forsake my religion. As a Christian, aren’t I part of the religion, and therefore forsaking myself?

On spring break with a group of friends, we met some girls that we hung out with most of the week. Several of them “paired off” and seemed interested in all the guys but me. When one of them identified me as the “loner”, she helped point out what was wrong with me.

“We all think you’re really really cute, but you don’t talk enough!”

I’m boring. I listen, but by not driving a conversation I’m left behind. Silence is always awkward, and everyone hates awkward silences. So when I don’t talk, I fail. But if I don’t have anything to say, am I intrinsically a failure?

I go to a club with a friend while we’re on summer vacation. A girl grabs me and I try to dance, only to be met with her mocking laughter as she bluntly says…

“That’s not how you dance!”

She moves away to someone else and leaves me alone on the floor. It felt like everyone’s eyes were on me as I walked off the floor and tried to blend into the shadows like an invisible wallflower.

“That’s not how you dance.” I didn’t know how to dance. I don’t know how to dance. No one ever taught me. I’m told that it only matters if you have fun. How is it possible to have fun when you’re laughed at for not being able to do it correctly? Why does everyone look at me if I even approach a dance floor? Why is everyone watching, waiting for me to start moving awkwardly and make a fool of myself?

Little, tiny, insignificant events that should mean nothing; but they do. Though not as much as they once did, they do. So what to do?

I work on it.

I write about what bothers me. I talk to my wife about how I feel without fear of being judged. I cherish my friends, new and old, that like me for me. I replace the old “friends” with new, real friends that give a damn about me and that’s all that matters. I work on my family life, my personal life, my professional, spiritual, psychological, and artistic life. Though the bad is near impossible to let go of, it won’t be around forever.

“I got better.”

…and I’ll get better.

My First Minnesotan Blizzard

So today – December 11, 2010 – Jill and I woke up to what can easily be described as a literal Winter Wonderland.  White snow EVERYWHERE, and lots of it still falling.  In fact, as I write this the snow is finally starting to taper off a bit.

The truth of the matter is, this is probably the worst individual snow storm I have experienced in my life aside from the one in my home town of London, KY back in 1994 (or somewhere in that area).  Back then however, I wasn’t quite old enough to effectively shovel the driveway.  Not so much this time.

I put off shoveling the sidewalk/backyard-path/driveway at first, hoping that the snow would stop earlier in the day.  HUGE mistake on my part.  When I tried to let Charlie outside to use the bathroom (he was NOT happy about all the snow) and the door wouldn’t open more than 4-5 inches, I knew I had severely underestimated the extent of the snowfall.

What followed was well over an hour of shoveling a path through 2-feet-deep snow (higher in some places) from our back door to the front and to the street.  Well, where the street would be if not covered in snow.  Normally a simple path wouldn’t take too long, but between the snow continuing to fall; crazy wind blowing the snow everywhere; and the side-walls of the path occasionally collapsing…the task became slightly more begrudging than trying to eat fruitcake from Wal-Mart.

Eventually my crude little path was done; allowing Charlie easy access to the back yard for his potty breaks and for us to…well, walk from the front of the house to the back (I never said it was a perfect plan).  As a result my body feels like I just finished running tackle drills in football, and I still have sidewalks and a driveway to shovel tomorrow in addition to removing the cars from their shallow graves.

So…anyone want to lend a hand tomorrow?

Show and Tell - My View on the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Debate

On Tuesday, September 21, 2010 a bill to repeal the “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” law established in 1993 was shot down by the Senate. This is infuriating on a level I find difficult to describe. In 2010, after homosexuals have gained many rights they previously weren't allowed by law (in the so called greatest country ever), if any of them want to serve in the military they cannot let it be known in any way.

Why? Arguments are made by those supporting the law that range from simple prejudice to pure lunacy. Within this range of arguments the “strongest” and most prevalently mentioned revolve around two categories: Homophobia and Religion. It should come as no surprise to find that both of these categories are often merged into one, but for now I prefer to look at them both individually.

On the subject of homophobia...being from Kentucky, a state where you will see Confederate flags flying from trucks, some homes, and permanently tattooed on many arms, I have heard guys jokingly say “You gotta trust who's in the foxhole with you!” or “Who would give a fairy a gun?” more often than I care to remember.

Trust? Let's talk about trust. I know people who joined the military that are as hetero as they come. By this I mean they had sex with as many women as they could, were abusive to anyone they saw as an inferior, and loved to show how amazing they were by proving themselves to be an “Alpha Male” whenever possible. Trust? I know men and women of the homosexual orientation that I would trust my life with long before the homophobic misogynists that hate them so much.

Who would give them a gun? People ask this question as if being gay makes you incapable of functioning as a human being. Get this through your heads: a person's sexual orientation does not determine a person's ability to follow orders, a person's ability to handle a firearm, or a person's effectiveness in battle.

On the subject of religion...the most prominent “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” support obviously comes from members of the Christian faith, since many of them claim (or at least believe) that this country was founded solely based on Christian principles. The latter is a discussion for another day, however so many of them are taught that homosexuality makes a person evil, more of a “sinner” than they are. Some even have the gall to say these people are “abominations”. Let's get one thing straight. There is no reason why religious influences should even be a part of this debate. Why?

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS NOT A THEOCRACY!

That's why. Not only that, but if a person's ability to serve in the military is determined by the opinion (and yes it would be opinion) of strictly conservative Christians, then atheists, pagans, adulterers, and practicers of other religions shouldn't be allowed to serve either, right? They aren't following the “correct path” so they are sinners and unworthy to serve your country, right? What about women? They weren't allowed in the military before and women are to be submissive to men according to some sects of Christianity, right? I'm sure they wouldn't mind being thrown out of the military just because of the opinions of close-minded people that can't see beyond their make-believe image of a perfect black-and-white world.

Bottom line: Gay men are people. Lesbian women are people. Bisexual men and women are people. We are all people, with the same abilities to learn and grow and fight and do what we feel is right! There is NO justifiable reason why anyone should be denied their right to fight for their country because of who they are. They have no problem risking their lives for you and your rights in this country, so obviously it's not the so called “abominations” that have a problem. It's the close-minded hateful homophobes that have a problem.

I know that all Christians aren't filled with hate and close-minded homophobia like the ones mentioned above. In fact, I am a Christian that sides against “Don't Ask, Don't Tell” as you can plainly see. I also know that not all conservatives are anti-gay nor do they all support the law. This is largely my own opinion based upon personal observations in my life, research, and a thorough disdain for anyone that refuses to see the world outside their clouded little bubble. All the same, the fact remains: refusing people their rights and privileges as citizens of the United States of America is unlawful and un-American.

Playing Devil’s Advocate with Life and Death

On Friday, June 17 of 2010 Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed by firing squad in Utah.  This makes him the third person executed in this way in the United States since 1976 (source: http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE65G6F620100618).

It is no surprise that the death penalty is a hot button for controversy in today's world.  Some see it as barbaric, others as true poetic justice.  Tempers flare high whenever the subject comes up, and understandably so.  To judge whether a person lives or dies is to cross a line that many believe should never be crossed.

This method of execution crosses a line of barbarism for many, especially when the generally more accepted method of today is death via lethal injection.  The execution is so extreme that one of the five gunmen is given a blank shell so as to give them the comfort of “reasonable doubt” as to who actually shot and killed a man.

For those in favor of the death penalty, they see it all as justice in the most basic and biblical way.  “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,” and a life for a life (or lives).  Gardner was sentenced to death after killing an attorney in a courthouse while escaping from a hearing where he was charged with murdering a bartender.  Is it not fair; is it not poetic justice that someone who kills in cold blood should lose his or her life in return?

Opposing the death penalty are those who find the concept of killing another person to be appalling and does nothing but continue a never-ending cycle of violence.  Some believe that being confined to a jail cell is punishment enough, leaving the killer to brood in his or her personal demons, surrounded by all of the other damned of society in their cages.  Is that not a more brutal punishment?  Left powerless to hurt other innocents outside their walls of confinement?

Those in favor of corporal punishment argue that jail is nowhere near adequate punishment for the crime.  This person, this killer is allowed to live despite taking innocent lives.  Their life in confinement, their food and water, their television and internet all paid for by taxpayers so they can live humanely.  Some see the lives of these convicted criminals and see them as living in relative luxury.  What they lack in contact with the outside world, they are provided through use of the internet and other media.

Meanwhile, those that argue jail time is the stronger punishment see this in a very different light.  Despite being convicted of horrible crimes, the prisoners are just as much people as those outside the jail.  They too deserve the right to live, but they must live within the walls of their punishment and horrendous acts.  There are people outside of jail that do nothing but stay in their room, eat, watch television and live through the internet, but such a depressing lifestyle is beneath the potential a free citizen of the United States has.  Such a depressing lifestyle would be the peak of existence for a killer spending his or her life in jail.

A firing squad, electric chair, gas, hanging, and even lethal injection are all methods of execution once or currently used in this country, all barbaric in their own right.  Some cry foul if the needle used during the lethal injection, putting the convicted to death in his or her sleep, is not sterilized.  Others cry that they should suffer more than being permitted to simply fall asleep.  Some cheer at murderer killed violently by gunshots into the chest.  Others balk that modern society would stoop to such a barbaric method of punishment.

So where do we draw the line?  Is there even a line that needs to be drawn?  Is it easier to get the ultimate revenge on the killer of a loved one; or is it easier to move on knowing that the guilty party will never again be free and suffer a slow death in jail?  Momentary satisfaction won't bring the dead back, and allowing the damned to live may never bring personal resolution.

Who are we to judge what is right and wrong?

---------------------------------------------------

Submitted to Star Tribune of Minnesota on June 22nd without response.